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If you’re in early dating, don’t hesitate to have a grownup, direct conversation about his readiness to feel deep connection with another woman. And I want to thank and honor you all for sharing so thoughtfully and honestly. But I would like to dig just a little deeper than I did with my initial writing.
Military dating faces many challenges, and getting the relationship started is one among many.
That's one challenge that we want to take off the shoulders of our hardworking servicemen and women, as well as something we want to spare the civilians who need to dedicate their energy to supporting their military partners.
Having a good picker means not only that you learn how to spot and avoid the jerks, but even more importantly, that you don’t miss the really good guys. When a man is in a happy relationship he pours himself into it. We’ve experienced a lot: love, heartbreak, successes, failures – and having lost a spouse is a very real possibility. I have also spent the past 8 years closely observing many women as they dated Ws.
And when it’s gone, he’s left with the kids (maybe) and his job (maybe). So if he knows what he wants and is ready for love again, he takes his search for a new partner seriously – and that’s the gem of dating a widower. But, as with all of those other big life experiences, being widowed isn’t the end of the story. Together they are traveling the world and running marathons. And it’s not like she had to ‘make him’ do it – he loved adding that to his life! Some have remained in great relationships with them (like Karen above).
Most have not, because of the very issues you have raised. My advice here is to a woman who has met one of the “gems” that I introduced to you at the start of this article: one who had a good, long marriage…knows how to love, communicate, commit, work through problems …misses being married…pours himself into [a relationship].